The Word Dementia – Dementia is a scary word – especially if you don’t understand that you can still live a good life with it. Dad knows he struggles, so why do we need to label it? Instead, we explain it to him like this:
When your eyes get old, you wear glasses.
When your ears get old, you wear hearing aids.
When your legs get old, you use a stick.
When your brain gets old, we use lots of notes and do things a bit differently.
I tell him: ‘When your brain gets old, it sometimes decides to take some time off. That’s ok if you’re sleeping or watching TV, but it’s frustrating if it takes 10 minutes off while you’re trying to make a cup of tea! That’s why we are here to help.
Changing Language – Collaborative Framing: When assisting him, instead of giving instructions, I ask for help. I’ll say, ‘Dad, can you help me find a “Dad is 90” mug?’ (knowing there are five right in front of him) or ‘Would you like a sugar today?’
Bypassing Confusion (The Blue Dot & The Dragon): He kept getting the fridge and freezer confused. Because they do similar things – So we renamed them and I have no idea why but it works
The fridge is ‘the blue dot’ (with a giant blue dot sticker on it).
The freezer is ‘the dragon’ (with a Welsh dragon flag on it).
Instead of correcting him, I just say: ‘Could we put the milk back in the blue dot to keep it cold?’ It completely bypasses the frustration and supports his independence.”